God dropped his shoulders, lazed back in his chair and raised his eyes to the angel standing before him.
“Fine Gabriel, I’ll do it if it’ll keep you quiet.”
Gabriel jumped for joy and punched the air in delight.
“Oh God you won’t regret this, it’s going to be so much fun! We’re going to create a whole universe. Ha, Luifer will be so jealous.“
“Any ideas on how we do it?” asked God.
“It’s all written down here in my presentation. We create some matter, blow it all up and whammy, universe!”
“Alright”, said God, not in least bit excited with Gabriel’s plan, “hand it over and i’ll get started. I want regular updates of what’s going on over there, ok?”
“God yes” said Gabriel, “I even included a concept of linear time, I’ll keep you updated every few centuries.
“Linear time? What the hell is that?”
“It’s an idea of mine. Instead of everything happening once like here in heaven, we’ll make it linear so things happen one after the other.”
“Sounds complicated, but I’m sure I’ll manage. I am God after all. Alright, I’ll get started after lunch”.
First God created time, but ignored Gabriel’s request to make it all linear. He thought it would be more fun to warp time around the objects and matter floating in space. He also added in some antimatter to keep the whole thing less predictable. After seven days his universe was all built. And it was huge. Gabriel wanted one sun and bunch and planets around it, but God couldn’t resist the temptation to make it bigger, a lot bigger! He was starting to enjoy building this universe and thought that perhaps he might build a few more. He named the universe G-verse. He said he named it after Gabriel, but really God named it after himself. Everything was in place. He even created a two creatures called humans that looked a little bit like him. These were special, these little people, and he gave them a beautiful garden to hang out in. He needed somewhere to store the source code for the universe and packaged it all up into little fruit sized parcels and put them on a tree in a corner of the garden with a sign clearly marked “Do not eat!”. He figured the humans would be obedient enough and not eat the fruit.
It came time for Gabriel to give God the first briefing, and it wasn’t good. Gabriel nervously approached God.
“Yes Gabriel, how’s the G-verse? Adam and Eve getting on well? Must be nice to just spend your days ignorant to what’s happening beyond your little garden. You know I envy those two. Living for all eternity in paradise.”
“Ah, well here’s the thing G-man, it seems Lucifer found a bug in the design and slipped in. He convinced them to eat some of the code fruit and now they know some of the things about the universe. They know all about you and how you built the G-verse, which by the way I still think is a really cool name and thank you for naming it after me.”
“Of course Gabriel, everyone know’s it was your idea, it was only fair. But what’s with this Adam and Eve thing. What are they doing now?”
“Well they’re hiding from you God. Frankly they’re shitting themselves. They kinda scared of you now”
“And so they bloody should be!” God boomed, “I’ll damn well kill them, they disobeyed my sign! No one disobeys my sign.”
“You don’t think that’s somewhat of an overreaction?”
“Fine, I won’t kill them now, but eventually. I let them live for a while, then kill them. I bet they’re wishing I didn’t create time now huh. Who’s idea was it to eat the fruit?”
“I think it was Eve’s” replied Gabriel.
“Right, Adam’s in charge from now on. Maybe he can bring some order to things.”
“Is that all, Gabriel?”
“That’s it for now God, I’ll update you if anything else happens”
“Fine, I’m off to create another verse, no people in this one, and no time. Just constant peaceful eternity.”
Several thousand years pass and very little is happening in the G-verse. God calls out to Gabriel, “Gabriel! What’s happening in the G-verse?”
And again Gabriel was forced to walk the corridor and deliver the bad news. “It’s not great sir, actually it’s pretty feral down there at the moment. Wild in fact, somewhere between mass orgy and open killing spree. It might be time for a little intervention from a fatherly figure.”
“Ok, I’ll have a word with one of them, let them know I’m still here and very much in charge. Lay down a few rules they should live by.”
“That’s it sir, take command. I have someone in mind, old chap, you’d like him, Moses. Pretty good with a crowd. I’ll draft up some rules and have a chat with him.”
“No, I’ll do it Gabriel, it’s better that they hear it straight from me. And after that I’m off to the pub, creating verses is thirsty work.”
“Yes, you’ve really taken to it sir. How many versus are we up to now.”
“No idea, lost count.”
Moses did a pretty good job laying down the rules. But not everyone was behaving as they should. Each time they stepped out of line God grew more impatient with them, he flooded them and starved them but nothing seemed to work. God decided on a new approach.
“Gabriel, I think I have an idea to sort things out on the G-verse.”
“Go on G-man, what are you thinking?”
“Ah, a son? Not sure what you mean.”
“I’ll send them a son of mine.”
“Ah, sir you can’t have sons, how will you send them a son?”
“They don’t know that. I’ll knock one of them up and tell them it’s mine. Then he can tell them what to do. I’ll give him some extra powers, that’ll freak the people out and they’ll listen to every word he says.”
“Ok, you’re the boss.”
In humble surroundings the son of God was born on earth. To a loving mother Mary, and a somewhat jealous father Joseph. For the most part they were good parents, although they did almost lose him a couple of times. He roamed the world, healing sick people and talking of the wonders of God. God was pleased with himself.
“Gabriel! How’s the G-verse” God boomed down the corridor toward Gabriel’s office. “Jesus sorted them all out? I knew he’d do it. Great idea of mine that one. I didn’t get to be God for nothing you know.”
And for the fourth time Gabriel walked down the corridor to God’s office and took a seat at his desk and prepared to deliver bad news.
“Yes, about that. It turns out the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
“How do you mean?”
“Like father like son, as they say down there.”
“I’m still not following Gabriel, you’re speaking in riddles. What’s happening?”
“It turns out Jesus has become a bit of a party boy? Him and Mary have been doing the wedding circuit, turning water into wine and generally living the high life.”
“Well that’s disappointing. Still, as long as everyone likes him we should be ok.”
“He’s not exactly liked by everyone sir. Some people actually want to kill him.”
“Kill him!” God slammed his fist on the table “nobody kills my son, i’ll just make him come back to life. Honestly, what’s with these people. Why they can’t be more like the folks in other verses?”
Unfortunately for God that is what he had to do. The people killed his son and God was displeased. He shook the Earth a little to show his anger. But it was mostly for show. He’d gotten quite fond of the idea of having and son and was secretly pleased to be having Jesus join him in heaven. He was looking forward to a beer with his only son.
He continued to receive updates from Gabriel on any major events on Earth. But these became more and more bleak. Wars and famine. On one hand people were believing in him more and more, but on the other they also became more barbaric. He lost faith that he could make a positive impact on Earth, and besides, he had other verses he could attend to. Verses with much nicer people than the people of G-verse. People who looked after each other.
He showed a rare bout of anger at his son on hearing people were burning other people who believed that the Earth was round “Jesus! Why didn’t you tell them some of this stuff when you were down there?”. “It never came up”, was Jesus’ reply. God thought about intervening when the humans built enough bombs to kill all the people in Earth. “Where’s the logic in that?” he asked Gabriel over an end-of-week beer, a tradition God had initiated after he created time in the G-verse. “God knows” was Gabriel’s reply. But God didn’t know. The people seemed determined to continue to fight each other no matter what he told them. He thought about making another appearance to the people of Earth, perhaps another disaster or catastrophe. But they seemed to be used to chaos and disaster by now. Nothing God could do could shock them anymore. He could get them to love him or each other. And that is the story of why God abandoned the people of Earth. And the people of Earth became the sole occupants of the G-verse, floating alone in space. In a forgotten one of God’s many verses.